They Say It's Your Birthday..

It's my birthday too! Well, in a little over a week it's my birthday. The big 29. My final age. I'll always be only 29. If you're looking to buy me a gift.. I have a few suggestions of what I'm really wanting the most right now..

Some Nights by FUN.

Urban Decay Naked2 Pallet

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion (Full Size)

Van's Slip Ons (Size 9)

Daria - The Complete Series

Freaks and Geeks - The Complete Series

Flip UltraHD Video Camera 4 GB (Magenta)

And of course, gift cards to Amazon, Target, Ulta, etc. :)

<3 you all!

Zero Progress

I'll be 28 in less than a week.

And honestly, it feels like I might as well 30.

Last year at this time, I was so filled with hope that by the time my next birthday came, I'd be a mom. Or I'd be pregnant. But I'd be there in some way.

And this birthday is hurtling at me, and I'm no closer than I was a year ago. My body is exhausted, my heart is broken, and it feels like my head is spinning out of control.

How is it possible that in one whole year, we've made no progress on this front? How is it possible that in 2 1/2 years, in 30 months, I'm not closer than I used to be.

At what point do I have to accept the fact that maybe this isn't going to work for us. Maybe we are going to have to go an alternate route.

Perhaps losing my left ovary and part of my right ovary ten years ago was a sign.

Eh.

The end of my Two Week Wait is Friday, but I won't test that day. I never test that day. I wait and wait. Starting my period hurts less than seeing a negative pregnancy test. Meanwhile, I'm praying for guidance and peace, because right now I feel like I'm about to fizzle out.

Riddles

So I go back to the doctor next week, after my surgery, for the follow up, and hopefully to see what exactly is going on. What was the problem, what exactly they did, and what it means for the future baby having process. I have a whole list of questions that I am taking with me. And I think that my mom is going to go with me, cuz heads are better than one, and she might think of questions that I wouldn't know to ask, and she might hear stuff I don't notice. That kind of stuff. What I know now is that he said it would hurt when I ovulate. Well hell, that's not what a girl wants to hear, nothing says "let's get it on and make a baby" quite like, "ouch, my insides hurt!", totally a mood killer.

My husband has the flu. Yucko. Thank goodness I don't catch stuff like that very easily. I think its because God gave me this migraine disease nonsense, so He keeps most of the other yuckiness away. Thanks! Speaking of migraines... I was supposed to go out on Saturday for my birthday, to my favorite place to go out to, The Loony Bin. It is always so so so much fun, and I had been looking forward to it for weeks. So, of course, I woke up about 4am on Saturday with the worst migraine I've had in a while. I took my new medicine, Axert, but I think at this point, it was already too far gone for that to help, because it didn't do anything, and then I puke. And when that happens, its all over. So I threw up for the next 4 hours straight, about every 5 minutes. My mom came and picked me up and took me to the emergency clinic, I was dehydrated I could barely walk to the car, no good. But 30 minutes and a shot of heaven later, I could barely walk back to my apartment, but I made it all the way to my couch with my pillows and blankets and slept. For hours. I woke up about 4:30, still had a headache, still groggy, still mad at the world for ruining my plans. I had to cancel the comedy club. Luckily, I guess, 4 of the 8 people who were supposed to go, had already cancelled. So, we'll go another time..

Drums Keep Pounding a Rhythm to the Brain

Tomorrow is my birthday, I'm going to be 26. Which is okay with me, although it does put me a little closer to 30, which I'm not gonna lie, kinda freaks me out. I mean, I can remember when my mom turned 30, I don't feel old enough to remember that long ago..

So you know when you hear a song, and its like so good, and you wonder why you haven't been listening to that band the whole dang time? I'm having that moment with Muse. And I've listened to Muse in the past, they are good. But it was always a band that I kind of have to be in the mood for. And then the Twilight Soundtrack fell into my possession. And the first song is Supermassive Black Hole by Muse. And its possible that I cannot live without this song for the rest of my life, it's that freaking awesome.

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Supermassive Black Hole by Muse

Oh baby don't you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretences
How long before you let me go?

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

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I'm only sorry that I cannot put the music into this post, because its so good, well good is not the right word. The music freaking awesome. I've been trying to get my husband to listen to it, but he's into like, Godsmack, and Metallica, and Disturbed, that kind of stuff. This song makes me want to check out more of Muse.

What song has gotten to you lately?