Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Nerd Alert

Ya'll. It came today.


Oh? Whats that? You don't know what delivered? My new planner. Not just a planner. My new Erin Condren Life Planner.

Dudes. Lady Dudes. It is amazing. And because its so amazing, and I'm obsessed with planners, I'm going to share it with you. *Side Note - If you're not a total nerd like me, this probably won't interest you. And that's okay. Not everyone can be as awesome as I am.*

First, let's talk about how adorable the packaging is..

Right? Too cute for words. and I really appreciate attention to details, even in packaging. What a happy box. 

I chose the planner where I could customize the cover with a quote or whatnot. Of course I chose a Harry Potter quote. 

As I was going though all the pages, my favorite thing is how big and spacy everything was. I tend to write big, and loopy sometimes. So when I get those planners where everything is so compact, it just ends up looking too messy and unorganized. Which is the opposite of what a planner should be, right? 

Look at how adorable and roomy it all is. I cannot wait to fill it out. Like, I'm bursting with excitement to fill this out. after the calendar pages, it has note pages, dot pages (goodbye boredom), and some coloring pages. There's a little pocket in the back with a booklet for yearly dates that are celebrated, important contacts and passwords. 

And maybe my most favorite thing about this is the inside front and back cover. They are like dry erase, ready for lists (you KNOW I love lists) and notes. And I already have many colors of dry erase markers, just READY to be used. 

And lets not forget the sticker pages! Ready to help me label my calendar and mark special dates. 

And one last thing, lets talk about how NICE this whole little package is.

I'm probably in love with this. 

Image result for love meme


Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Did That Just Happen?

Today, as I was driving around town with my friend, I saw the end of a car chase. Let me paint the picture for you.

It was about 4:25pm. So the streets were plenty busy. We were the second car stopped at a stoplight, closest to the curb. I saw a white car come speeding through the intersection, hit the corner of the curb, go up into the air, and hit a pole or one of those metal boxes that are on the corners sometimes, and slam back to the ground.

Maybe I should pause here to explain a little bit about me.. if you don't know, I am.. emotional. When I pass a car wreck, I am immediately in tears. I'm concerned if the people are doing okay. Are they hurt? They must be so scared. And then someone is going to get a phone call about it, and they're going to be so freaked out and scared. So yah. Emotional.

So as I'm seeing the car crash into the corner, my first thought was "oh my goodness, are they okay?!" and my eyes are prickling with tears.

Then I see four cop cars coming right behind them, with their lights on, and I realize that this wasn't just a wreck, it was a chase! Less than two seconds later, the driver and passenger in the crashed car get out and start running away. RUNNING AWAY! The officers follow them in their cars into a parking lot just down the road. Like, we could still see everything that was happening. They got the two guys, tackled them to the ground and got them cuffed.

Then, 3 more police cars pull up and they are walking up to the crashed car with their guns drawn, seemingly to check to make sure there was no one else in the car. And then all I could think was "oh man, I HOPE there is no one in that car!". If there was, and they came out with a gun, and started shooting, and then the officers would probably have to shoot, and we were literally RIGHT THERE.

We finally got passed all of that. No one was shot (I'm fairly sure). I had so many emotions in that short amount of time, like, two minutes maybe, that it really shook me up. And hearing the car crash really shook me up. The whole event really shook me up.

As we were driving away, my friend goes "Did that really just happen?"

It did Teresa, it did.

And then I got to thinking.. How many car chases do people need to see before they realize that THEY DON'T END WELL FOR THE ONE BEING CHASED? And to follow up, if you're going to chance it and run, why would you do that in the start of rush hour traffic in the city?


Saturday, March 31, 2018

The Peen

Now, lets just be honest from the get go here.

The penis is generally not an attractive appendage. Man bits tend to just look like they were tacked on as an afterthought. No real plan was there. The design team was out sick so they had to call in temps to finish the project.

It just is what it is, ya know? You don't go into a penis picture thinking its going to be a work of art.

Which is why, when my husband dragged me out of bed to see something he was watching on Netflix, I was unprepared for what I saw.

My boy James Purefoy..

And his penis.*

His cash and prizes were a reeealllly a prize. Like, I'm gonna go on record saying that its in the top 5 of penises I've seen.

It was aesthetically pleasing. As far as peens go. It was neat and tidy. It appeared to be smiling. The size was impressive. Not scarily big, but definitely not on the small side. It had stage presence, some swagger.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering what on earth was the husband watching with James Purefoy's penis is apparently its own character. The answer to that is Altered Carbon. The show itself doesn't seem to be my cup of tea.

But I do appreciate a good looking penis as much as the next girl.

And for those who want to witness the delightful peen in question.. its Episode 2, and I'm told its about 10-11 minutes into it.

*I just want to point out that I am not so naïve to be 100% sure its his actually penis. It very well could have been a penis double. Either way, it was a good looking dick.


Sunday, March 25, 2018

Thursday Morning Walk of Shame Cool

Some days you get up early and everything goes smoothly. You have time to really take a leisurely shower, maybe even shave your legs, on a week day! Your eyeshadow is blended perfectly, your eyeliner is even, and you find the perfect lip color to match your look for the day.

And some day.. its the exact opposite. 

You wake up late. You're rushing through the shower. You can't find the shirt you want to wear, so you change your mind and opt for something different. and let's be honest, I wasn't gonna shave my legs on a week day anyway. 

Last week, I've been sick, like head cold and grossness. I'm sure its the Black Plague, but no one else seems to agree with my self diagnosis. I was rushing, I had to choose for a different shirt than my original plan. I had chosen a button up shirt. I was miraculously ready and out the door on time. And my hair even looked good. As I'm getting buckled up in my car, I go to plug my phone in so I can listen to one of my awesome playlists on the way to work. Music motivation ya know. 

Then I realize that I can't find my phone. 


My front door is at least four miles from my car. Its a trek. I schlep myself back in to find my phone, and then back out to my car for the second time. 

In my many mile walk to and from, I've passed two guys. A normal morning. 

Then, as I'm getting back into my car, I'm aware of the fact that my shirt just feels a little wonky. Then I figure out why. 

Its button wrong. Its been button wrong the whole time. I've passed two people with my shirt buttoned wrong. 

As I was explaining this to my girls via a group text message (see video below that I shared with them to explain), they said that at least one of these guys probably thought I was doing the Walk of Shame. On a Thursday morning. 

Now, I may be a cool gal, but I've never been Thursday Morning Walk of Shame cool!

And I did fix my shirt before anyone else saw me.

Monday, March 5, 2018

The Great Skill of My Life

I mean, honestly, I have so many skills. 

    • I’m creative.
    • I can spell.
    • I know song lyrics for every occasion.
    • I can cry on cue.
    • Sometimes I’m clever.
    • I can blend eye shadow.
    • I can read an epic Harry Potter Fan-fiction story in like, no time.
Honestly. The list goes on.. 
But my greatest skill?
Dropping things down my shirt. Remember the cinnamon roll?
Today, while eating popcorn, I dropped no less than 4 pops of popcorn down my shirt. Into my bra. Less can comfy, my friends.
I know what you’re probably saying.. Sharon, stop wearing low cut shirts.

Like, the skill for me to drop it down my shirt is real. Which leads me to wonder.. since I’m out of a job in five weeks.. can I work this skill into a career or some sort?
Hmm.. never mind, that’s not the kinda career I’m looking for. I’m a nice girl, you know!

Thursday, January 11, 2018

A Glimpse Into My Brain

Radio playing: Alice in Chains – Would
Note: this is my alternative rock station, not classic rock!
Me: God, WHYYYYYY. Don't play Alice in Chains. I can hear that on like, every other radio station.
Also Me: Singing along to every damn word.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Space Pants and the Security Creeper

This past weekend, my sister and I went to see My Favorite Murder live at the Majestic in Dallas TX. It was fantastic.
This is not the story of how great the show was.
This is the story of how we were almost murdered before we even got to the "Stay Sexy Don't Get Murdered" show. And, like so many bad things in life do.. it started at a McDonalds. A McDonalds in the heart of downtown Dallas.
When we walked in, the first thing I noticed was that this McDonalds had its own security guy. That probably should have been a red flag. He was keeping transients and the like from the bathrooms and whatnot.
The second thing I noticed was a tweeky guy wearing leggings with outer space on them, shorts over those, bright yellow socks, and a hoodie. So Space Pants kept kinda hovering around our table, making me anxious. The security guy would send him out, and tell him to get away from the doors. Then he'd come back in the other door and start over. He was sitting at the table behind us at one point, and so I mentioned to my sister that if he was still around when we needed to leave, we'd ask the security guy to walk us to the car.
Space Pants:
Finally, Space Pants left to the other side of the room, so Jenny and I went to leave, quickly before he came back.
And then the security guy turned out to be a creeper.
He goes "Ya'll both so sexy, I don't even think I could choose between you two!"
Um, good news dude, you don't have to choose, because you don't get the choice.
He kept on with those type of comments, completely out of nowhere and totally uncomfortable. When we finally managed to get out of the restaurant, we booked it to the car. Only to see the security guy coming out of the door. We got the eff outta there.
Upon reflection, we realized that perhaps we hadn't been smart about this whole trip. We were down there by ourselves, without any kind of self-defense items. No pepper spray, Taser, weapon to fend of creepers at all.
But thank goodness, we definitely did Stay Sexy (as our creeper security guy mentioned repeatedly), and didn't get murdered.