The Post Where I Sound Really Whiney and Selfish..

So you're forewarned, no bitching about it later.

Apparently, at some point, I did something to really piss the universe off. Maybe I called its mom a whore, maybe I cut it off in morning traffic. I'm not sure of the action, but I'm damn sure of the result.

The universe is shitting on me. Since April, its just felt like a non-stop shit storm.

Sounds pleasant, huh?

First we lost our baby. It took a toll. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Add on daily severe migraines, which leads to not having any money. Always worrying when I get sick if its going to keep us from being able to pay our bills just makes things worse. And its a constant worry.

I rescheduled my sinus surgery to get rid of the chronic staph infection. The surgery went well, it hurt, a lot, but things were looking good.

Until the third, and what was supposed to be final, post-op visit. They were going to go in, make sure it was a clean and shiny in there. And it was.. And then she says to the PA student shadowing her "Come over here and take a look at this. See that right there? That shouldn't be there." Cue the panic. Turns out, that in the two weeks since my previous visit, I've managed to grow a cyst/polyp almost the size of a golf ball in my sphenoid sinus cavity. The very same cavity that they just surgeried.

What. The. Frick.

Seriously. How does something grow from nothing to a golf ball in two weeks? And WHY is anything growing in there, they JUST cleaned it all out, scraped and drilled and cleaned!

Treatment for now: MORE antibiotics and MORE steroids. I have to get an allergy scratch test done in a couple weeks. Its a long shot, but theres a chance that even though I don't get allergy symptoms like runny nose and sneezing, maybe I have a lot of allergies, causing more mucus and inflammation way up in there. Maybe. Then I will see the doctor and hope that its gone down in size (or away!). Who knows.

So I've been dealing with that. And the mega non-migraine headaches that go along with it. Just waiting.

Waiting for things to get better, or to get worse.

And then they got worse.

I was in a car wreck, while driving my mom's car back to her house. It wasn't my fault, the other guy hit me in the side. He's okay. I'm okay. Physically. I'm in a LOT of pain, where my seat belt held me in my seat. And my neck hurts.

Mentally and emotionally, I'm a mess. I feel beaten down and broken. I don't know how to pull myself up out of this hole I'm in. I need a break from the bad. I need the universe to pick on someone else for a while.

Please?

TTC Monday

Due to a checkbook goof up, I wasn't able to start my Metformin until today. I am worried about the side effects that my doctor said more than 50% of people who take it get.. The nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Hopefully I'll be one of the people who don't get that. I also have anti-nausea medicine here at home because of the severe pukiness I get with my migraines. I'm excited to get Operation: Baby underweigh.

My sister was worried about my blood sugar bottoming out while taking this medication, but after reading info about it on various drug websites and the pamphlet that comes with the drug from the pharmacy, it says thats very rare. But I know the signs to look for if it does start to drop, so thats a good thing.

This part doesn't have anything to do with our trying to conceive, its just what happened to me today. I was involved in my first car accident. And it was not fun at all. I was going into work late because of my head, it was snowy outside, but the roads were not slick at all. I was stopped at a red light, already pretty tense (thats how my migraines roll), and someone hit me from behind hard. At first, I didn't know what happened. After what seemed like a few minutes, but was really just a couple of seconds, I realized I was just rear-ended. And then my mind went blank. I couldn't think of anything that I was supposed to do, I couldn't remember all the stuff they tell you to do when you're in a wreck. I didn't call the police, I didn't take any pictures. The lady that hit me got out, and came to my door and asked right away if I was okay, told me it was her fault and that she had insurance. I got out to see what the damage was, and it looked pretty bad to me, but I'm not a car person so I didn't know. The bumper is completely messed up, and my trunk was smashed open some (you can't really see that in the picture). She gave me all of her insurance info, and her name and number, and I gave her mine. She told me that she was completely stopped and her foot slipped of the brake pedal. It felt like she hit me a lot harder than that.

I missed the rest of work, Dallas came and got me since I was so shaken up. We took our car to our insurance agent, he helped us get in touch with the lady's insurance company. He also looked at my car and said that she had to have been going at least 20-25 miles per hour when she hit me. He told us we should go get an estimate on the car, that way when the adjuster comes to look at it, we'll have a point of reference on the cost that he gives. The guy at the collision place gave us an estimate of $2709, as long as there's not anything else that has to be done.

My shoulder, neck, and head were just killing me after a few hours so my husband told me I should go get it all checked out, just in case. My insurance wouldn't cover a visit to a doctor, only the ER, so we went there. The doctor said it was just tender, and probably would be for the next few days, and he gave me some pain meds and muscle relaxers. Right now, my whole body hurts, and my eyes are super tired from crying so much today. I cried a lot. I was pretty hysterical when I called my mother.

So all in all, its not been a good day. But the good thing about really bad days is that the next day doesn't have to do very much to be a much better one. I'm thinking as long as I don't get smashed into tomorrow, it'll be a pretty darn good day.

And, I will say that the lady that hit me was very nice and apologetic, she didn't try to make me feel bad or blame it on me. I really appreciate that. I might send her a thank-you card. Is that weird?