Monday, April 12, 2010

TTC Monday

I know, its been about two weeks since I've posted anything, other than about Tristan's first birthday. My past before that hurt some feelings, which usually wouldn't bother me, because its my blog, if you don't like it, don't read it. But since it really was unintentional, it threw me for a loop. But I'm back, and I'm telling you now, again. If you don't like what I write, don't read it. I hope that no one is sitting there holding your eye lids open forcing you to read my words. And if they are, good for them, I'm awesome and you should read my blog.


So we're back on the TTC Wagon.. I took last month off, kind of. I figured with it being the first cycle on the Metformin, I wouldn't seriously expect it to fix everything. And as it turned out, it didn’t. But this second cycle is a whole nother ball game. I have high expectations. Which is the quickest way to end up heartbroken, but its really the only way I know how to be. I read about how people know when they are ovulating, they get the positive tests, all the symptoms, and I get nothing. I ask my body "Hey body, how’s it going? Are we gonna do this or what?" and I hear the sound of crickets. No answer.

I'll take the silence as a "yes". My body is probably just too busy filling out its day planner to answer me.

I've had a talk with myself, about my feelings. It’s not fair to me to try to control how I feel, because I can't, and I shouldn't have to. But what I CAN control (to some extent) is how I react. When I thought that I was keeping my feelings to myself, it turned out to be wrong, people ended up with hurt feelings. In my defense, it was mostly due to the fact that people have to run and tell everyone everything they see. When my feelings of happiness and sadness are so equally strong that one of them has to come out, I hope I have the strength for it to be the happiness. When on the occasions when it’s the sadness and frustration that comes out, I hope that people have the strength, compassion, and level headedness to know that it’s not always about them. I hope they know that sometimes tears come out, they are unexpected, unwanted, and they mess up my mascara. But I can't stop them.

Today, I am hopeful that this will be my month. Or I'm just living in denial, either way, there’s a smile on my face for the moment.

In other TTC News, Kate over at Busted Plumbing has a give away going on! Yay for giveaways, right? She is giving away Fertile Focus, and I'm not going to lie, I want this! Check her out, and her giveaway!




7 comments:

  1. a really good website for support is www.soulcysters.com

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  2. i am glad you are back and posting...don't let people censor you...you should be able to feel however you feel. I pray that this is your month!!

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  3. Love your post and I'm crossing my fingers for you that this is the cycle!!!

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  4. You ARE awesome, and you should write whatever the heck you want and if people don't want to read it, well the "Whatevs!"

    And good luck!

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  5. It's your blog write whatever the hell you want. :D

    And, I think your reproductive parts and mine are probably out at the bar getting drunk every night instead of working like they should be. Damn them.

    I heart you and I love your blog and all the things you say. <3

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  6. You're right on two accounts: 1, yes you are awesome and 2, yes this is your month! GL!

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  7. Thank you everyone!! I fluffy pink heart you all!

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You read it, you might as well comment right! And honestly, I love comments. They get sent directly to my email, which I of course get on my phone because I am addicted to your comments.