A Waste of Mascara, Time, and Tears

My trip to the OB?GYN on Wednesday was a great trip. My doctor is amazing, and I wish that he was my doctor for everything. He listens to me, answers my questions, makes me feel like an equal, not an inferior being. And he never hesitates to give me pain medicine, which also helps.

My trip to the Neurologist, however, was awful. A-W-F-U-L. So awful that I don't ever want to go back to him. I was nervous about going to see him, he is very intimidating. My mother went with me yesterday, thankfully. Sometimes when I leave disappointed, I think maybe its because I went in expecting too much, or I just misunderstood. But when someone else is there with me, and they are not happy with the visit, it makes me feel validated. And maybe I am expecting too much.. I expect him to listen to me, to acknowledge my feelings and thoughts, and to HELP ME FEEL BETTER. That's why I spend the 25 dollars and the time to go out and visit him. Maybe I am too demanding, too high-maintenance. But I spend every day in pain, or in fear of the pain, he doesn't, and I need the help.

When I asked him if he thought that my ovary issues might contribute to my migraines getting worse, as in more often and more intense, he said no. He didn't even toy with the idea. And then the told me that the cyst on my ovary was because of weight. When I asked him about another medicine for nausea because the Promethazine isn't working as well as it used to, he told me to go the ER and have Compazine through an IV. The only thing he did was tell me to double my Prozac to 40mg a day, as long it was okay with my OB/GYN. He didn't acknowledge when my mother said anything either. I was in tears when I left. I was in tears driving home from it. I felt left down.

I talked to my Aunt Sharon (aka: The Coolest Person in the World), and she told me to go through my OB/GYN and get a recommendation for somewhere/someone who will look at the whole picture, and see if the problems are related. I was diagnosed with migraines when I was 17 years old, and at the same time I was having ovary issues, but they didn't know that's what was wrong until later. I need to start at the beginning, because now when I go anywhere, they see that I have migraines and just want to throw drugs at me. And it just isn't cutting it anymore, I've done the work to try to avoid things that I know cause them, I take my medicine every day, and its just not enough. I need to know WHAT is causing them. I need someone that cares, even if they are just pretending. I shouldn't have to be in so much pain that I end up in the emergency clinic/ER 3 times in one month. I should be able to make plans with someone and not have to cancel because I want to die. I shouldn't have to live in the constant fear of whatever I do, will it trigger a migraine. And I certainly shouldn't leave a doctor's office in tears, unless they give me super bad news.

Well. I feel like I have complained enough for right now. I'm stuck in a very frustrating circle, and I need to be going in a light towards something.