I've been stuck in a semi-sad state for the past few days. Thinking about friends, old friends, friends that aren't friends anymore. Friends used to play such an important role in my life. Well actually, they still do. They play an important role, but often it feels like I don't play the same role for them. And this is not all of my friends, so don't worry friends, just a few. I would drop everything to help them with something, I try to make plans, but seem to be getting nothing in return. Dallas says that I am too nice most of the time, and too willing to do stuff for other people even though I can't remember the last time someone did something for me. I'm the one who ends up with hurt feelings.
And maybe its my fault. Maybe my life should revolve around my husband. Maybe I'm doing the married thing wrong. I love my husband with more heart than I knew I had. But I also love my friends almost as much. Does it have to be an either or kind of thing?
And I'm having a hard time finding new friends, because it seems like every time I make a new one, they turn out not to be who I thought they were. I end up getting burned. I dont know. It's just been weighing on my mind.
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You're not doing it wrong Honey...we all go thru life making and losing friends..sometimes they are stepping stones in our lives and are there for just a fleeting moment, and sometimes they leave a huge imprint on our memory. I am now 49 years old, and have had many friends during my life journey. After meeting them, we'd build relationships around our interests, marriages, kids, and careers. Some disappeared during moves, from homes and jobs, states and schools. Do you know how many I ended up with in the end? Two. the first being my husband, who loves me unconditionally, and the other being my best friend Tina, who lives in SC..654 miles away driveway to driveway...she is my shadow..the keeper of the keys..she knows EVERY THING about me, and loves me nonetheless...and visa versa..we can tell eachother the absolute truth about any and every situation without the fear of losing our relationship. It's that solid. So don't get too upset while you're on your life journey...there will be lots of "friends" in all levels of your life...I hope you're as blessed as I am and keep your husband as your Number 1 friend, and find the shadow that's looking for you too...maybe you're already met....Good Luck!.... :o)
ReplyDeleteHey, I had this yesterday. I call them the 'by myself blues'... happens even when I'm super busy surrounded by people I feel very alone and lost. Then something happens and I have the 'I'm not alone' moment, once it was a puppy who walked up to me and put his paw on my knee, yesterday it was seeing my very first wild red cardinal bird... Stuff is all around me I just need to 'see' it. and then I got home and had an email from my ex's mother.... and realized my life doesn't suck nearly as much as hers if she has to email me to tell me I'm a good for nothing like my mother... So I'm inclined to think you need to take the ME time... as my cousin puts it. ME time is short for MY ENJOYMENT. Do things you want to do, invite people along and if they come then great! If not, then they'd have been a buzz kill anyway. Let go of the fear or guilt of hurting everyone just because you want some ME time... and your stress level will slip away.... and in my case... my migraines.
ReplyDeleteMuch Love