Wednesday, November 18, 2009


On Sunday, we went out to my father-in-law's house for a visit. I really do enjoy going out there to visit him and his wife. For the first year (at least) I wasn't sure if he liked me. He wasn't ever mean to me, but he just wasn't one of those people who gives off warm fuzzies. With my family, you know they like you, or you know they don't like you, there's not really a gray area. It was after Dallas and I moved in together that he really let me know that he did like me. We were supposed to go over to his house to watch a football game, but my head hurt too bad to go out there. Dallas went ahead, and after a few hours, his dad called me. He told me that he was sorry I wasn't feeling well, and he missed seeing me. And then he went on to tell me that he was very glad that Dallas and I were together, and he thought that I was really good for him. And he loved me. It made my heart smile.

Then he got married, and his wife immediately accepted me. Which surprised me kind of. Since I wasn't related to them by blood, she didn't have to accept me, she could have been stand-offish. She treats me like I am her own daughter. Always there to talk, and be supportive, offer advice. I am so glad that she is in my life. I feel like my life is better because both of them are in it.

Since I grew up without a "dad" figure, my poppy was the most important man in my life. Sure he had his faults, who doesn't. I knew in my heart that he would have done anything to help me and make me happy. And I was careful to not let myself take advantage of it, I always expressed my love and appreciation for everything that he (and my Gramma) did for me. When I lost my poppy, I was heartbroken. The hurt inside is still so deep, and will sometimes bring me to tears instantly. I was devastated not having him around physically. He passed before I met Dallas, so he never got to meet him and see me truly happy. He missed my wedding, and he won't get to meet my child(ren) if I have any. And because he was so important to me, I want so badly for my child(ren) to have a strong, loving grandfather like I did.

Since my father is basically one step up from scum, and he can't find half an hour to write me a letter or give me a phone call, or send me a birthday card (or any holiday card..), I can't count on him providing a healthy grandfather relationship for my kid. I don't want him to have the chance to disappoint my kid like he did me. I don't want my kid to feel rejected and heartbroken because he doesn't care. All of this makes me so glad that my father-in-law is so excited at the thought of grandchildren. He can't wait to be a grandpa, and he wants to be involved in the kid's life. I can't even explain the joy that brings to my heart, the tears it brings to my eyes. My child(ren) is going to have the chance to have that amazing relationship with their grandpa like I did. And I know that makes my poppy happy too.

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