Friday, July 2, 2010

Why I'm Not Sleeping

You know when you get into an argument with one of your best friends, it seems to weigh on your mind and your heart until its resolved. My heart and mind have been so heavy since Sunday evening. And I don't even know if my friend and I are in an argument. The weight of the unknown and the possibility of things not being right is eating away at my insides.

For the past few years, I've gone with one of my closest friends to watch our city's fireworks show. The place is big field behind a church. Last year I went with my mom, and met my friend and her family there. On Saturday, my friend wasn't going to be able to make it, but she said her family would be there. Well, my mom decided to go early, to have a little picnic with her foster kids, and to let them run around for a while before the show. My husband and I showed up right after my friend's family got there. We said hey, and went to go sit on the blanket with my mom. After the show, we went over and talked to my friend's family, joked around like we always have. Said goodnight.. No big deal.

I guess I was wrong.

Sunday, after I got home from my sister's shower, I was already extra emotional and crying. I logged onto Facebook and see my friend's status was something along the lines of "After hearing about some shit that went down its left a bad taste in my mouth.. I'll have to decide what I want this outcome to be.". Naturally, I was curious, who wouldn't be. Some people asked what was going on, and her sister told everyone that her family's been going to the same place to watch the fireworks show for 10 years, and this year one of her sister's friend and family stole their spot, and it upset them.


Oh! I was that friend, and it was my family.

Honestly, it felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I couldn't breathe, and I was sobbing. I've been around this family since I was in 11th grade. Ten years! It killed me to think that my good good friend and her awesome family were mad at me. Did they think that we deliberately went and "stole their spot" to ruin their holiday? I hoped they knew me better than that. We were literally taking up a spot in the grass that was the size of a twin size comforter. There was plenty of room.

My mom apologized to my friend in the comments. Her sister said that she wasn't trying to be rude, and it was that every year the crowd gets bigger and they always make room. Well, except for this year I guess. No one came over to the grassy area. And even if it wasn't meant rudely, it hurt my feelings so bad. I was devastated. I was inconsolable all night long.

My mom sent my friend's parents an apology note, trying to make things right. My friend deleted her facebook account, which honestly I don't think was her trying to get away from me or anything. She just didn't want to deal with silly drama. TOTALLY understandable. Her phone is messed up, she can't get texts, she can't see her screen. I've called her a few times, but got no answer. In my over thinking head, I worry that she's ignoring my calls, that she's mad at me, for something so silly, for something she wasn't even there for.

So now, at 12:15am on Friday morning, I'm up, worrying. I don't know if she's mad at me. I don't know if her family is mad at me and my family. I just don't know, and that's probably one of the worst feelings ever.


  1. I wouldn't know exactly what's going on, but if you're such great friends, I doubt a picnic spot would ruin that kind of thing.

    I hope you get to talk it out soon though :)

  2. If they are really that mad over a picnic spot, I can only assume that this is something they will get over rather quickly. It's just not a big enough of a deal in the grand scheme of things.


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