Thursday, November 4, 2010

Another Post on the Same Topic

I know, my blog the past couple of weeks has been mostly about TTC, sorry. I usually try to keep up some sort of variety with it. But we're in the homestretch. I'm not sure what the expression means..

Anyway.

Tonight I will start taking Femara for the last time. Its my last chance to do this with minimal interference. That scares me. A lot. I'm trying to build myself back up so that I can be positive for this cycle. But in the back of my head I just remember the heart breaks of the last two years. Each one progressively got worse. The last one was so bad, I had a hard time getting out of the depressing spiral, I did nothing but cry for 3 days. I'm feeling better now, I'm working on getting my hope back. Because in all this mess, if I don't have hope, then I have no reason to try.

Lately, I've been remembering how I felt when we first decided to start trying. I was excited. Before the wear and tear of constant worrying and mega let downs took over. Before I started spending tons of money on things I was just going to pee on. Before my heart looked like it got caught in a gun fight. Before all that, I was just excited and hopeful.

I want to get back to that.

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1 comment:

  1. wish i could say something that would make you feel better. Wish i could do something to make you feel better. I will never quit wishing you encouraging words, thoughts and prayers or whatever you need. If i were you i'd take your last paragraph and make the "fun and exciting" part a reality again. Your too young to put so much stress on yourself. You need to have fun again...luv ya and lotsa luck.

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