Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Silly Me

I honestly thought that I'd be pregnant by now.

In my worst nightmares I never thought that it would take this long. Or that I'd be faced with the possibility that it really might not happen. I know that deep down, I didn't do anything to cause this. But part of me can't help but wonder. Maybe if I'd told people about my pain when I was in high school, I wouldn't have had to have an ovary removed. Maybe if I had known my whole life that I wanted to be a mom, I would be already. Maybe I'm being taught a lesson in patience.

I'm getting to the point where I have to accept that this may not happen for me without far more intensive treatments. Treatments that I'm not sure we'd be able to afford. Treatments that are going to involve more time off work than I already take, more medicines that I'm already taking, and be more intrusive than things already are. Or I can skip the treatments and move ahead to adoption. Also something that I'm not sure we could afford. And is it selfish to not want to have to adopt?

There is always the option of Fostering To Adopt. But that scares me, you don't always get to keep the first baby you're given, and there's a higher chance of getting babies who are sick, and I know that this is selfish, but why would I choose a sick baby?

I'm overwhelmed by my feelings about this. I don't know who to talk to, or what to do, or how I'm expected to be able to handle this.

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3 comments:

  1. I've been having the same feelings.
    When I was younger I always envisioned myself with a career and a baby by the time I was 25. Well it's not happening!
    I've thought about the adoption outlet as well, but it's all too much for me to think about it right now.

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  2. hey there. I've been following you for a bit, you're a spoonie and I'm always amused with what you say. I just want to comment about adoption. My mother had to give away two babies before she was ready to keep me. My sister was given to this amazing family. The couple tried in vain to have a baby of their own and resolved to love my sister with everything they had. 22 months after my sister became part of their family they had a healthy baby girl, then another girl, two boys and finally a girl again. Yup for people who had 'given up hope' of having their own, they had FIVE of their own. They love my sister like they love the rest. They have quite the clan now with all the grandbabies and spouses.
    So I can see how much you're wanting to be a mom, just imagine how much a baby needs that. Its not selfish to want your own, that's completely natural... but just know, if you do decide to adopt you'll be a mother the instant you hold the little one. They are yours for keeps! And reading how much you want to be a mom, I know that means you'll make an amazing mother.
    HUGS
    maritimegypsy

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  3. I know just how you feel Sharon. *hugs!*

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