“Thank you for calling _________. To ensure we connect you to the correct agent, please listen to the options and press the corresponding number at any time.
“Press 1 if you have all the information needed to place an order, like account number, part numbers, PO numbers, etc.” – This prompt would lead the customer to a phone agent ready to help.
“Press 2 if you do not know your account number.” – This prompt would lead to a response “Please locate your account number and call back” and would end the call.
“Press 3 if you do not know the part numbers of what you need.” – This prompt would lead to a response “Please locate a catalog or log into our website www._____.com to find the parts you need and call back” and would end the call.
“Press 4 if you do not know if your company uses a PO.” – This prompt would lead to a response “Please contact your purchasing and/or accounting department” and would end the call.
“Press 5 if you are having a bad day.” – This prompt would lead to a response “Please take some Prozac, and call back tomorrow” and would end the call.
“Press 6 if you do not speak fluent and clear English.” – This prompt would lead to a “special” agent that does not speak clearly in whatever language they are speaking.
“Press 7 if you’re unsure of any of these instructions.” – This prompt would lead to a response “Please hang up, find a competent adult, and call back” and would end the call.
And anyone who presses 0 to skip the prompts would receive a response “We’re sorry, we have to assume that since you can’t follow simple instructions, it would not be worthwhile for our agents to spend their time with you. Please hang up and try again at your convenience.”
I like it. Its like a mini IQ test to weed out the idiots.
this made me giggle! You should totally patent this!
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