Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I Shoulda Known

As of this evening, I'm 13 days late. And according to the stick I peed in this morning, theres no good reason for this tardiness.

I didn't have high hopes that this was THE cycle, but every day that went by without surfing the crimson wave, my hope creeped up. I let myself start to think about the excitement I'd feel if it was a positive test. I let myself mentally list off what I'd need to do, call the doctor, get blood wish done, etc. I let myself consider who I'd tell during the first few weeks.

I let myself hope.

Oh I tried to tell myself that I wasn't hopeful, that it wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't.

Turns out I'm a liar.

Its strange how the same disappointment and hurt month after month seems to sting a little more each time. The sting in the eyes trying to hold back tears. The sting in my throat when I had to tell my husband it was negative. The sting in my heart as I threw another pee stick away.

2 comments:

  1. *huge huge hugs* I'm so sorry. Every month this hell hurts enough but when something like this happens it just feels like your body is taunting you. It is is so unfair and I hate that you're going through this. I hope and pray that the next lee stick is the one that brings tout long awaited and much deserved good news.

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