Saturday, August 4, 2012

Remember Me?

So, its been a while since I've blogged, hasn't it. A little explanation.. It seems like I only feel like writing when I'm sad, and I get tired to reading about my sadness, so I can't imagine that anyone else like reading about it either. When I'm happy, words don't come to mind as easily.. I get creative in other ways.. I've taken up drawing, painting more, using oil and soft pastels, and of course making jewelry.

When last we really spoke (you know what I mean), my husband was fixing his low testosterone, and getting everything checked out. You'll be glad to know that he's all fixed up, and we are on the TTC train again. What does that mean? It means that I'm back to temping, charting, monitoring everything. Metformin and Clomid. Hormones, emotions, stress.. and hope.

Hope?

Scary thing, hope is.

I pray that my hope is not in vain, and it will pay off for me sometime sooner rather than later. I pray that I can keep my sanity (and maybe my sense of humor?) during this length of the journey. I pray that if it does happen for us, that its goes all the way for us, I don't know that I could come back from the depths of despair again. I pray that my friends and family have patience with me, that they try to keep my feelings and past/present situations in mind before judging me for outward reactions to things. I pray for the strength to make it through this. And mostly, I pray that none of my family or friends ever have to pray for these same things for themselves. I don't wish infertility on anyone. Ever. The hard part should be deciding that you're ready to be a parent, not actually becoming one.

I ran across a quote that has stuck with me the past few months..

"The world may be broken, but hope is not crazy." - John Green


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