Thursday, June 3, 2010

I'm Lucky To Be Alive

This afternoon, I had a near death experience. For real, Internet, it was serious. I will try to recall the events to the best of my ability, but it was traumatic, I think my mind may have blocked some of the more gruesome details.

I was walking, barefoot,  in my kitchen to get a Diet Coke from the fridge. Just minding my own business, be-bopping along. My phone was in the living room, and it started making noise, so I set the Diet Coke down on the counter, and went to get my phone. I took care of my texting and facebooking, then headed back to the kitchen. And then I saw it.

A spider.

On my kitchen floor.

So many things went through my head.. Did it see me? Of course it did, they have EIGHT eyes! Was this a poisonous spider? I choose to live like all spiders are poisonous, and they are all out to get me. Was it plotting its attack on me? I could see in its creepy eight eyes, it was definitely plotting my death.

Who did this spider think it was coming into MY kitchen and trying to attack me?! I was not going to stand for this. Well, actually, I was going to stand for this. On the chair, in the other room. I watched it for about 5 minutes, it watched me for about 40 minutes. That's 5 minutes for each eye.

How was I going to defeat this hideous monster in on my kitchen floor? I didn't want to step on it, because they run so fast. What if it ran up my leg?! I didn't want to ruin my shoes by squashing him anyway. Then, I spotted my weapon of choice. Clorox Clean-Up. Bleach in a spray bottle. I nonchalantly walked to the kitchen where the bottle was on the counter, I didn't want him to know I had a plan. And then in one swift movement I grabbed the bottle, aimed it at the intruder, and sprayed. Several times. He shrivelled up and didn't move. I sprayed him a few more times, just in case he was trying to lull me into a sense of false security.

Victory was mine.



  1. You need some serious arachnid help, hon! LOLOL All eight of those eyes were inside your domain though so he was fair game.

    Did I tell you about the time I picked up a black widow I had just stepped on that was on the woodpile at my folks' farm? B)

    What can I say? I love spiders and snakes!

  2. LOL!

    I like to kill stuff in pools of lysol. I'm the biggest wimp too!

    That thing was definitely out to get you. You showed it who was boss!

  3. OMG. . .I totally would have freaked. My dog is usually pretty good about killing them when needed though. (Like when my hubby isn't home). You should ask Jenny about the spider in my driveway. . .ugh, I still get shivers.

  4. Wow. I am so glad you made it through that alive. ;)


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