TTC Monday

Ah, Monday again. I wish it was still the weekend, sometimes you need a little more than two days to recuperate before you're thrust into a new week and all its nonsense.

But, c'est la vie.

My doctor's appointment on Thursday went better than expected. Kind of. Doctors and nurses are so good at freaking you out for no reason. Telling me there's a polyp anywhere in my girlie region, especially close to my ONE partial ovary when I've been trying to get pregnant for almost two years is a good way to have me in panic mode. I was prepared for the worst, somehow this polyp was going to cause the lower half of my body to die and they'd have to amputate it, and I'd have my own TLC special about being half a person. And what was I going to do with all my funky nail polish that's too bright for my fingernails?! It was traumatic.

Then, I get there, and they tell me that there is a cyst on my ovary (duh.), and what they thought was a polyp was actually a blood clot.

Wait, blood clot? Um, people die from blood clots, right?

Oh, its not THAT kind of blood clot. Its the kind that my husband forbids me to even refer to. Whew! Crisis averted! We talked about why I might have the severe pain going on in my ovary area, the cyst maybe, more adhesions, stress? He told me that it was up to me, if I want him to, he'll get me into surgery, poke about and see whats going on, AND he'll blow out my fallopian tube while he's in there, just to make sure its clear. If the pain doesn't get better he wants to do surgery anyway. Leaving the surgery option up to me is horrible. Of course I NEVER want to opt for surgery, I've had my fair share of being gutted like a fish, and I'm good without it never happening again. But it was an enticing offer to check on my tube while he's in there. That's a fertility thing, and my insurance wouldn't over it as its own procedure.

Decisions.

He also informed me that they don't do wedge resections on ovaries anymore if they can help it, because doing that, they do take a good chuck of eggs with it, and they have no way of knowing how many they take. Awesome, so not only does my ovary not work right, but I might not even have enough eggs.. Bleh.

For now, I'm waiting it out. He increased my dosage of the Femara in hopes that I will ovulate this cycle. If I don't, I'll be shipped off to the fertility specialist. If I'm not pregnant in a few months on the higher dosage, I'll be shipped off to the fertility specialist. And I don't mind telling you, I'm scare of a higher dosage of Femara, the lower dosage had me feeling all sortsa crazy, and the hot flashes, ooh-wee, they were not friendly. I went back and forth on whether or not I was going to sit this cycle out. Give myself a break. Sure, I could take the time to try to reset myself in a way. But since I didn't ovulate on the Femara last cycle, It took 9 weeks for a new cycle, I don't want to waste that time. If my ovary is going to go kaput on me, I want to get in every chance for my own little tea-cup human as I can. I will hate myself later if something does happen, and I wasted a month.

So where am I know? I'm in pain, stressed, worried, and excited. And so if you should see me walking by, and the tears fill up my eyes, look away.. baby look away.. Wait, no. Sorry, this is the karaoke bar (Oh Peter Cetera, how I love you..)! If you see me with tears in my eyes, don't worry about it. I have all these emotions filling me up, and since every emotion I have pretty much ends in tears, I have no shot at dry eyes.

And I heart you all.