Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Self Reflection Sucks

"This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals." - The Used, from the song I'm A Fake

I have a very unflattering habit of not letting things go. At least I know this about myself, right? If something hurts my feelings, I let it keep hurting me for a long time. I become like an abused puppy, skiddish around other people, always afraid that I'll be blindsided. In the past I have let people walk all over me, or say hateful stuff to me and I never came back with anything. I didn't want to participate in some childish argument where we just say mean petty stuff to each other. Mature, right?

Yah, until months and months later, and I'm walking on egg shells to make sure I don't do anything that could lead anyone to misunderstand what I'm doing or saying, and then I'm back in an argument, forced to listen to mean stuff about me, or defend myself and fight back.

None of that even makes sense, does it? Oh well.

I know that I cannot control how anyone else feels, acts, or reacts. I can only control how I act and react, and how I choose to move on from bad situations.

From now on:
  1. I will not censor myself because I'm worried someone else will misconstrue what I mean.
  2. I will be polite, cordial, and professional when needed.
  3. I will not be fake.
  4. I won't pretend that my feelings weren't shattered by other's harsh words or actions.
  5. I won't pretend to be friends with someone who treats me that way, even if they pretend to be mind.
  6. I will try to move on, and not focus on the past.

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