Thursday, February 10, 2011

February 2011 Headache & Migraine Blog Carnival

The theme for this month's carnival is "Romantic Relationships & Migraines: How are they affected? Is is possible to build a new one? Does anything about living with a chronic condition bring you closer?." I've actually thought a LOT about this in my life. I'm lucky enough to be married to the most understanding man I have ever met. Before him, any guy I was even kind of serious about would blow me off when I had a migraine. And when you get migraines as often as I do, that's a lot of being ignored. I don't blame them for it, if I could ignore me when my head hurts, I would.

I remember when I first started dating my husband, it hadn't even occurred to me to tell him about my headaches. My sister called me the day after our first date and asked me, "Did you tell him that you get really bad migraines?"

What? Why would I tell him that? Nothing says "blossoming romance" like "Hey, by the way, I get debilitating migraines that make me puke a WHOLE bunch!".

I did have to tell him eventually, after I was sure this would be someone worth explaining it to. Trying to describe the pain and complete ickiness of severe migraines to someone who's never experienced them is not an easy task. I tried to prepare him, but when the first one of our relationship hit, I could see the shock in his face. I could feel the disappointment that I had to cancel plans and go to bed. I could see the worry in his eyes about whether or not this is normal.

It was hard building a new relationship with this disease, having to cancel fun plans, having to worry about when the next one will hit, having to worry about doing something that would trigger one. I could tell that he was a keeper when he started worrying about all this stuff with me, instead of just going on without me.

We've been married about 2 1/2 years, migraines seems to be getting worse, not better, but we're stronger than we were. He gets on to me when I don't take immediate care of myself when I should. Now, before him, I never really gave a thought to the sexy time aspect of my migraines. Now, its like a constant battle between the two. When I don't have a headache, I want sexy time and I want it now. And when I do have a migraine, he wants sexy time. The timing is never perfect. Letting go of the control I need to have long enough to have a good time is hard for me. I'm afraid that if I have too good a sexy time, it'll trigger a headache (been there, done that!). Added on to that is the fact that we've been actively trying to get pregnant, the pressure to get it on is enormous. I think "if I don't do it now, will I miss my chance for this month?!", he thinks "Mmm, ta-tas".. Okay, I'm sure he has deeper thoughts than that, but those are the ones he vocalizes.

The most important thing I've learned trying to juggle life, my marriage, and my life is to communicate. This disease forces us to talk more, because sometimes that's all I'm able to do. Just because I can't physically show him how much I love and want him doesn't mean I can't tell him how much I do. It takes a special person to commit to taking care of someone chronically ill, and to be able to keep the romance, lust and desire as strong as the love. And I know that in the long run, our love will keep growing stronger because we are in it together. I count my blessings daily that I found such a special person who doesn't leave me behind just because I'm sick.


Photobucket

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry about your horrible migraines! I was actually just reading in a magazine today about mis-matched sex drives, my husband and I are the same way, it said basically you're rarely going to be on the exact same page so sometimes you gotta "just do it." Haha. I hope you find some relief for your migraines and its great you have such a supportive hubby!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting what you said about the sexy time. My husband and I are opposite in that I am the one with the drive and he doesn't really have one. I am the guy. He is the girl. BUT I have the constant chronic migraines and Meniere's disease so it is quite difficult because if I don't push through my pain/other symptoms, we never have sexy time. I mean really never. It has always been an issue and we have talked and talked about it and even been to counseling about it. But it is complicated because of my chronic pain. Thanks for sharing your story!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I agree with Kelly above....I hurt pretty much everyday...so I suffer through "sexy time"...or I (or he) would never get any! Haha. However...exertion makes my head feel as if it's going to explode. Not really the area I want exploding! :)-

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree that communication is so important to having a romantic relationship. "I Love You's" are a big part of a successful relationship between a migraineur and a 'normal' person.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think that headache or cephalgia is pain anywhere in the region of the head or neck. It can be a symptom of a number of different conditions of the head and neck.thanks for sharing, it was inspiratory.
    http://healthsecrets4you.com/blog

    ReplyDelete

You read it, you might as well comment right! And honestly, I love comments. They get sent directly to my email, which I of course get on my phone because I am addicted to your comments.