Sunday, September 4, 2011

Life Part 1: Who I Am

This morning I woke up, after having a semi-broken heart for the past few days. I didn't get out of bed right away, I just laid there. Thinking about life. Thats not really new to me, I think all the time. I think too much. I'm inside my head too much.

Life Part 1: Who I Am

I'm a wife, a daughter, a big sister, an aunt, a cousin, a niece, a grand-daughter, a best friend, a co-worker, an almost mom.

I'm a migraine warrior.

I have a lack of fertility.

I'm a feeler. I feel things too deeply sometimes. I take things too much to heart. But that happens because I put my all into everything that I do.

I'm thoughtful. Sometimes to my own detriment, as most people are not as thoughtful towards me as I am. I end up with hurt feelings most of the time.

I'm an artist.

I'm a music lover. Music speaks directly to my heart and soul. Music can perfectly match my mood, it can bring me out of a funk, it can help me relax.

I'm a dweller. I dwell on the past. Whether its ancient history, or a hurt I felt yesterday. I have a hard time healing from wounds.

I'm friendly. To a fault. I don't always remember that not everyone is like me. So I've picked the wrong people to befriend more than a few times, and I've ended up burned.

I'm funny, a good cook, an awesome laugher, and I'm great at hanging out.

These are all the things that I know that I am.

But, I've recently learned that I am something that I never wanted to be. I'm apparently such a mess, that everyone has to walk on eggshells around me. People are afraid to say things, either to me, or where I might see them, because of how I might react. I don't recall ever going completely insane over something that someone said. Sure, I've had hurt feelings, but doesn't everybody?  I've never wanted anyone to have to censor themselves because of me, and to find out that they all have to.. well. It hurts.

I don't think that they should have to do that. I never asked them to. In fact, I've said it more than a few times that I don't want that. They do it on their own, and then blame me for it. Say what you want to say. I want you to be you. I want you to be able to say anything. And if I do get upset, let me get upset. I'll be over it soon. Have respect for my feelings, let me feel them for as long as I need to. And just as I want you to express your opinion, I want you to want me to express mine. Just because they might differ doens't mean we can't still be friends.


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