Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Post Where I Sound Really Whiney and Selfish..

So you're forewarned, no bitching about it later.

Apparently, at some point, I did something to really piss the universe off. Maybe I called its mom a whore, maybe I cut it off in morning traffic. I'm not sure of the action, but I'm damn sure of the result.

The universe is shitting on me. Since April, its just felt like a non-stop shit storm.

Sounds pleasant, huh?

First we lost our baby. It took a toll. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Add on daily severe migraines, which leads to not having any money. Always worrying when I get sick if its going to keep us from being able to pay our bills just makes things worse. And its a constant worry.

I rescheduled my sinus surgery to get rid of the chronic staph infection. The surgery went well, it hurt, a lot, but things were looking good.

Until the third, and what was supposed to be final, post-op visit. They were going to go in, make sure it was a clean and shiny in there. And it was.. And then she says to the PA student shadowing her "Come over here and take a look at this. See that right there? That shouldn't be there." Cue the panic. Turns out, that in the two weeks since my previous visit, I've managed to grow a cyst/polyp almost the size of a golf ball in my sphenoid sinus cavity. The very same cavity that they just surgeried.

What. The. Frick.

Seriously. How does something grow from nothing to a golf ball in two weeks? And WHY is anything growing in there, they JUST cleaned it all out, scraped and drilled and cleaned!

Treatment for now: MORE antibiotics and MORE steroids. I have to get an allergy scratch test done in a couple weeks. Its a long shot, but theres a chance that even though I don't get allergy symptoms like runny nose and sneezing, maybe I have a lot of allergies, causing more mucus and inflammation way up in there. Maybe. Then I will see the doctor and hope that its gone down in size (or away!). Who knows.

So I've been dealing with that. And the mega non-migraine headaches that go along with it. Just waiting.

Waiting for things to get better, or to get worse.

And then they got worse.

I was in a car wreck, while driving my mom's car back to her house. It wasn't my fault, the other guy hit me in the side. He's okay. I'm okay. Physically. I'm in a LOT of pain, where my seat belt held me in my seat. And my neck hurts.

Mentally and emotionally, I'm a mess. I feel beaten down and broken. I don't know how to pull myself up out of this hole I'm in. I need a break from the bad. I need the universe to pick on someone else for a while.



1 comment:

  1. WOW! you did piss off karma....

    RE: allergy testing. Best thing you could do. I don't always get runny nose or anything, but I did often feel a 'cold or something' coming on but never fully... that was allergies! hopefully it will help with other things. I found out my eczema is allergic and not 'just eczema' (all of a sudden a year ago)

    Maybe when you fix your sinus issues, that will help your migraines too, but also by removing the sick time and that stress... and the stress that isn't helping with the fertility... it could all just domino into a happy ending? (call me the eternal optimist)

    HUGS for dealing so well with the crap up until now though. You're a trooper!


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