As I get closer to what was my estimated due date, I can't help but think about what I should be doing right now.. What I should be feeling. Today, November 6th, I should be 39 weeks and 2 days. Almost to the end of the forty week journey. My cookie should almost be done.
I'm sure I'd be on the wrong side of comfortable. I'd be wondering if every twitch and twang was the "it". I'd have my bag packed and plan of attacked written and posted. Maybe I'd be making any finishing touches on the nursery. And probably refolding blankets and stuff.
But I'm not.
For the most part, I've made peace with the situation. It sucks, bad. But it is what it is.. Sure, I have moments of weakness, and I still have some "why" moments, but who wouldn't?
I see all the casino and car sales commercials boasting how 11/11/11 will be a great day for a sale and the luckiest day of the year. For me, its the date that should have been the happiest day of my life. Now its just a constant reminder of what I don't have to look forward to.
My feelings and emotions have hurt others in the past, so I do try my hardest to keep them in check. I'm taking this time to apologize in advance. This week could be hard on me, and while I'll try my best to keep myself under control, I can't make any promises. It'd be awesome if no one held my feelings and reactions against me. Just bear with me, I won't always be this way.