Thursday, February 9, 2012

One Step Forward..

Two steps back.

Most of last year, I was broken. So deep that I wasn't sure I'd ever feel normal again. I know thats common after loss. It took some time, but I did eventually pull myself out of the hole I was in. I finally got to a point, emotionally and mentally, where I was ready to start trying to conceive again. I made an appointment with my doctor, and went over all of my questions and concerns. He gave me the green light, and told me that he didn't think it would take long. Now that my body knows what is supposed to happen, it might work a little better this time around.

Our plan was to try naturally for 4 cycles. If we weren't pregnant in that time, I would start taking the medication again and try for another 4 cycles. Or if I didn't get a positive OPK in the first 2 cycles, I would start the medicine.

I was feeling good about it. I had a positive outlook, knew that 2012 would be our year to have our little teacup human.

And then my husband came home one day after work and told me that he made a doctor's appointment. "Why", I asked. He tells me that he's been having issues for a little while, and he wants to get them checked out. The doctor tells us that he has an infection, either in the prostate or the bladder. And that he has pretty low testosterone.

Really? Didn't see that coming. He was referred to a urologist, to get some more blood work done. The newest blood work showed that his testosterone was really low, and they can't treat it how they want since we are trying to get knocked up. So they put him on some pills that are supposed to help his body produce more testosterone. And they are going to do a semen analysis. He'll drop off his, erm, stuff, on Tuesday. And then two weeks after that he'll drop off another sample. And then again two weeks after that. So we'll see what that has to tell us. He has to have blood work done in about 4 weeks, to make sure that the medication he's taking isn't doing too much. It takes almost 3 months for the meds to take full effect, so we're on hold until it gets all taken care of.

I'm hoping for good news, because it just feels sometimes like I'm being slapped in the face with all of this. Ya know, I'm almost 29, I'm married to the love of my life, I have a job and a stable life, and I can't get and stay pregnant. And then you have all these skanky crack-whore teenagers getting themselves knocked up and becoming reality TV stars, having their kids taken away. It just doesn't seem right.

I asked him what it was that he was taking..

Clomid. (hahaha).

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